my right honourable former schoolmate

I went to high school with Canada's new Minister of Natural Resources!

Can you believe it?

We were in the debating club together! We honed the same rhetorical and oratorical skills. She used hers to get elected to parliament and appointed to Cabinet. I use mine to try and convince Americans that Thomas Jefferson was born in New Brunswick. She left her job as CEO of the Toronto Port Authority to run for office. I recently discovered I actually like port. The similarities are almost eerie. I could have been the new Minister of Natural Resources -- EXCEPT THAT I'M NOT A BATSHIT, RIGHT-WING, FEAR-MONGERING HATER OF DEMOCRACY!

Gentle readers, she ran for the CONSERVATIVES. She's part of STEPHEN "I think there are probably some gains to be made in the stock market" HARPER'S government. He HAND-PICKED her to run in her Ontario riding because he didn't trust the riding association to come up with someone who basically owes him her first-born child (or perhaps her second, she has two -- another similarity, I have two cats) and will have to support him in all he does.

Well, I just want you to know, I had nothing to do with this. As president of the debating club (did I mention, I was PRESIDENT of the debating club? I'm not entirely a stranger to high office myself) I always tried to set a good example by NOT being a PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE.

Sadly, my efforts seem to have been in vain. Although actually, it would be worse to have her cite you as an "inspiration," as she did poor Alexa McDonough, one of the highest profile women in Canadian politics (stop yawning!) and the former leader of the New Democrats (those are our "socialists," the zanies who want to "spread the wealth").

I heard the now Minister of Natural Resources interviewed about the dearth of women running in the last Canadian elections (11% of the PC candidates, 19% of the Liberals) and she pointed out that she was from Nova Scotia and had been inspired by Alexa McDonough -- so inspired, she accepted a Cabinet nomination from a man of whom McDonough once said:

"We have a Prime Minister who alone in the world still considers George Bush his political hero."

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case...

i can't believe i haven't posted this before

This is a "friend's" interpretation of my home life. In case you can't read the dialog, my cat Seamus and I (that's me with the Canadian flag where my head should be) are having the following discussion:

Flaghead: What would you like for dinner, Seamus?
Seamus: Scotch!
Flaghead: But that's my scotch, you little devil, and I don't think that's very healthy for cats.
Seamus: Scotch!
Flaghead: (thinking) I wonder if Seamus has a drinking problem?
Seamus: (thinking) When did Mary become such a moralizing bitch?

he is charlotte simmons

I've spent by far the greater part of my adult life with "my nose in a book," as my father once put it (probably while trying to get my nose out of the book and into one of his duct tape-based home renovation projects) , so it occurs to me that the occasional entry reviewing something I've just read could be a valid form of blogging, provided it doesn't become a habit, and I don't turn into some low-rent - albeit kinder - Michiko Kakutani.*

The book I just read is I am Charlotte Simmons, by Tom (Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test) Wolfe. I've avoided reading it until now (it was published in 2004) because I read a bunch of bad reviews when it came out including, if I remember correctly, one by Kakutani.

Mostly, though, I avoided it because I couldn't bear the mental picture of Tom Wolfe, in all his peculiar, personal, sartorial glory (i.e., wearing a blindingly white three-piece suit, with a pastel-colored, high-colored shirt and SPATS) hanging out on North American university campuses taking the pulse of modern collegiate life.

I decided to give it a chance, however, when it was recommended to me by my cousin, whose taste in books has always been excellent (read: very similar to my own).

It's 672-pages long and I read it in three days. I don't know if he truly captured the feel of a modern American university campus, but he captured a few feelings I remember from my first year at university, although my university was to the "Dupont" university of this novel as Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse is to Versailles.

I really can't be bothered to summarize the plot and I'm not going to recommend you read it because the LAST thing I want is somebody saying, "You said that book was good and it SUCKED and I want my money back." (Which, in passing, is probably one of the reasons Michiko Kakutani is so negative - she doesn't want to deal with that nonsense either).

So, I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe - read or don't, I really don't care.

Man, this book reviewing gig is a breeze.

[Pictured above: Tom Wolfe on his way to a pre-game tailgate party.]


*The New York Times' cranky book reviewer - I'm tossing in a mention to establish myself as sufficiently literary to review books, and yes, I had to look up the spelling.