Wednesday, January 13, 2010

windows 2010

Guys! I would have written sooner, but I've been soooooo busy, what with traveling to the land of my people (Scotland, not Tesco), remaining vigilant (something I've been doing since 9/11, and THOUGHT I could dispense with when Obama got elected but oh no, now I've got to worry about my EasyJet seat mate setting his underwear on fire during the approach to Stansted. One benefit of EasyJet, however, is that there is no in-flight entertainment - you have to make your own - and remaining vigilant, done correctly, can be very entertaining. My latest act of vigilance is to reply, when asked whether I'd prefer a window or an aisle seat, "I'd like to sit next to the Dutch filmmaker, please."), and committing the new office regulations to memory.

Have I mentioned the new office regulations? They arrived in an email with the subject line "Open Windows." Techie that I am, I assumed they were announcing they'd switched to pirated Microsoft software as a cost-cutting measure. Instead, I found a list of rules pertaining to the actual, physical windows in our office. To wit:

1. We will not leave the windows wide open during the winter until the very end of the day because it causes the air temperature to drop too quickly and the room takes too long to reheat.

2. The small windows above J**** will be left open for an hour or two (possibly longer), two or three times a day.

3. The office door will be left open for the circulation of air.

4. I will leave the big windows wide open every day for a few minutes just before I leave, while I'm getting ready to leave.

5. I will turn the radiator off just before I leave and will turn it back on when I arrive in the morning.

As they've recently introduced recycling bins for paper and plastic, I can only assume our office oxygen recirculation rules are part of the same initiative - we will also recycle our air. Our department has been a thought leader in that area - I breathed some air yesterday that I recognized immediately as vintage 2006 (fruity with just a hint of my old boss's hand cream).

I want to do my bit, but I'm afraid these rules are simply not sufficiently DETAILED. What if, for example, he wants to open wide the window and THEN get ready to leave, rather than doing the two simultaneously? Would that be considered a breach of the rules and if so, one subject to what sort of sanctions? And speaking of sanctions, none are mentioned. Can you really expect people to obey rules when no punishment awaits them for disobeying?

I mean, what's to stop me from throwing all the windows wide open the moment I arrive in the morning?

And jumping screaming out them?


chihuahua lady said...

who is J**** and why does the stinky guy get special treatment?

maire said...

i've suppressed his name to protect the innocent.

and to sound like an 18th century novelist.